Are you pregnant?

Asking a question. Should be an innocent thing to do. If you’re curious about something, why not ask a question about it? Well, you should be able to. But there are certain questions that should go unasked. Mainly this one.

Are you pregnant?

To answer this suddenly popular question… NO, I am not.

Thank you for asking?

Now can I go jump off of a cliff?

I had barely left my house today when a woman walking her dogs ever so bubbly asked this question. I was walking from my driveway, to the entrance into my neighborhood to catch the bus to my first day of work at a new job. I had never seen this woman before in my life. When I smiled, and said nope! She said “Oh, must be another lady that walks to the bus…she must be the one that’s pregnant.” Okay… so…. you have no way of knowing that I was on my way to the bus stop. Random???? Right….

This happened about 3 or so months ago when I was heading to a different bus stop, after a work day at a different job. I was actually feeling great that day. And then I walked by someone who asked me that question. Sigh…..

This is something that really should not bother me. I do realize I am not a thin girl. I wish I was trimmer. But, well do I really need to list a bunch of excuses as to why I am not? Let’s just say that I am my own worst enemy and demon and my mentality among other things have not been in a good place for a very long time. I’ve let a lot go, including weight management. Yay depression… Yay dealing with a lot of battles coming at me from all over the place. I have a lot of anger inside me. Anger over being in the most frustrating rut of my life. Over the fact that I am still living in my mother’s house. I am still single. While, I am perfectly fine being single, I’m kinda getting tired of being fine with being single. I turned 39 this year. I am getting too old for this. When is it going to be my turn? I have so many fears. Will I die before I truly feel what it’s like to be loved, so much, by another human being? Will I get out of this house and into my own place? Will I defeat all of my inner monsters, or will I finally give up completely?

Ugh.. I hadn’t intended on getting so deep and dark.

I have not blogged since November of last year. And, I really hadn’t intended to. But, I am trying this as a sort of therapy for myself. I’ve begun writing in an actual journal. Hand written. With pens, and well, my hand, on paper. But I decided to use this site as an outlet again as well. I don’t know how often I’ll blog. But, I’ll be around. More or less.

And just a reminder. No. I am not pregnant. I am just fat. Thank you.

A whole year?

Has it really been a whole year since I last posted a blog entry? I don’t have an exciting story as to why I stopped blogging. I lost the interest. I didn’t lose content. I actually had things that I could blog about. I just didn’t have the attention span long enough to type anything of interest. I don’t have a lot to update on. I’m no longer at the animal hospital job. I’m starting a new job on Monday working as a legal assistant for a law firm. I’m a bit nervous. It’ll be things I’m familiar with doing as far as working an administrative/clerical job goes. But the legal side will be something completely new for me. The closest I’ve ever come to working a legal type job, is opening, sorting, prepping, indexing legal documents when I worked at the Workman’s Comp. insurance company.

I’m excited about the new job. I’m sad about not working with animals anymore. But I am not done. I will find my way back into the animal care field soon. I needed to do what was best for me, and part time hours and no set structure were not conducive to the goals I have set for myself. For one, I’ve been living in my mother’s house for over 5 years now. That is way too long. It’s too long to be living in a cigarette smoke filled house. It’s too long to be living in a tiny room that tends to make me feel like the walls are swallowing me up. I’m beyond ready for the day when I can move into my own place. My own walls. My own things. My own rules. No cigarette smoke.

That’s the biggest goal for me right now. Aside from focusing all of my attention onto the new job. Getting secure enough so that I can realistically start looking for a place to call my own. And then once that’s done, maybe I can focus on other things like relationships. I was in a couple relationships last year. I’ve spent the majority of this year very single, very much alone. I still don’t have any friends here. I’m still sad about this and bitter at times. But whenever I think about it, I make myself stop, and force myself to focus on what I do have control over. Job, and place of my own. That’s all that matters. Job first, place of my own next. And then I can focus on the rest.


It’s weird. The year is almost over. November is here. November is almost halfway over. Thanksgiving is less than three weeks away. Christmas commercials are already on tv. I’ve spotted some houses with Christmas trees. The weather is sorta cooling down, a little bit. 2015 is going to be here so soon.

And I’ve yet to decide if this year has turned out to be a success yet, or not. I will say, I’m sorry to myself, for not blogging like ever. But life gets busy. I get distracted. I have no attention span long enough to sit down and type out a proper entry. I’ve missed quite a few blogging opportunities this year. But I think the older I get, the more I wonder why I should share bits of my life with the internet. Not like anyone reads it anyway. So why not? Lack of attention. My attention span seems to be getting worse the older I get.

I totally planned on doing NaBloPoMo this year but I forgot by the end of day one. Go figure! Work life, dating life, lack of much of a home life, excuses excuses. The end.


Well hello there. Where am I? I’m in New York! Yay! I’m started to get sad because tomorrow is my last full day here. I fly back to Florida Wednesday afternoon. I miss my cat, and my mom, but I do not miss Florida, or my job. I so wish I didn’t have to go back yet. Other than to see my cat…. and my mom. I’ve been having an amazing time here. I’ll post a more detailed update with pictures and all that good stuff. I’ve been trying to take as many pictures as possible. Does this vacation really have to end? Oh well. I’ll post a better entry in a few days. Let me just say that being able to be back in my hometown has been so good and very much needed. I wish I could move back up this way. I have a lot of thinking to do.

A hella long overdue update.

Alright… I’ll admit. This site has not been on the list of things I need to focus on. Every time I semi-sorta think about updating, I am just way too busy. So I’m going to keep this as basic and to the point as possible. The past few months since the last time I updated this……..

Remember the break up from the last post? Without going into the story, we’re back together. We have been since April 26th. So far so good. The only hurdle we’re climbing now is having limited transportation. He joined a band. They sound really good. I’ve only been to one gig so far. My work schedule is not kind to me when it comes to getting weekends off, and his gigs are always on weekends. Thankfully with his regular job, and the money he gets from gigs, the car issue will not be a problem for too much longer. At least that’s the biggest problem this time around. Otherwise, all is good. I’m happy with how things are going.

I’ve officially been at my job for a year as of April 3rd. It’s going ok. For a few months there it was going really good. I was getting full time hours, and was promised a full time position. But since then…… staff changes, and other things have kept me from being bumped up to full time. So I’m at a crossroads pretty much. I love the animals and clients. I like everyone I work with. But on a long term stand point, I really need a job with set full time hours. I’m not leaving my job any time soon. But I am keeping my eye open for new opportunities.

So, a couple years ago, I made a point about New York. Perhaps it was New York in August or something like that? It was a realistic dream at the time, but never happened. It is finally happening. In a week and just a few hours, I’ll be stepping on a plane and heading up to New York for the first vacation I’ve been on since 2010. Going to Maryland for my Uncle’s funeral, and family reunions definitely does not count. I am SO FRICKEN STOKED!!!!!!! I have been dreaming about going back to my roots for a very long time. I’m going up to see my step mom whom I’ve not seen since sometime around 2002. I’m also definitely stopping at a few places that were big parts of my life growing up. I just cannot tell you how excited I am about this trip. It doesn’t even feel real yet. I don’t know if it will until I am off the plane and seeing familiar territory that I haven’t seen since 1992. I’ll be there from July 15th until the 23rd. I wish it was for longer. But I am so glad I get the chance to go. AND I will be there for my birthday!!

I think I’ve updated the biggest parts of my life so far. If I haven’t, then I guess I have material for next time. Hope you had a good 4th! I spent mine house/pet sitting at my brother’s place which was absolutely wonderful. Yay for pretending to live alone! I definitely need to get the living alone thing happening for real. It’s long over due time for that. But for now, Good night!

P.S. I guess it’s time to do a total overhaul on the layout eh? It’s snowing in July. Now that… that would be awesome for real!

On my own….again.

Well, it happened again. Yet another who isn’t over their ex. Being broken up with via text sucks. But it would suck either way. Finding out that the one you’re in a relationship with, has been talking to their ex and wants her back really really hurts. I’ll move on like I always do. But I am so tired of having to move on. Will I ever be more than just the rebound girl? Am I worthy of being wanted? I don’t think so. I’m just meant to be hurt over and over again. I hope you’re happy. I was starting to let you in, but there you went and broke me. Just like everyone else. Lifehouse’s Broken is definitely me right now. But I will mend and move on. Just like I always do. I just wish I didn’t miss you so much. Jerk.

Having fun.

Life has been pretty interesting lately. Between my hours at work increasing a LOT, to starting a new relationship, and making new friends, I have been very busy. A good kind of busy.
I want to talk about personal bits of my life, but at the same time, I don’t want to be too specific about certain things. There’s so much I want to talk about, but I guess I’m a bit afraid to reveal too much about my personal life. I will say that I’m having a good time. I went from having sucky hours at work, no friends, no one interested in me, to having all of the above. It’s weird having someone so interested in me, but it’s refreshing too. From the daily texts, especially the good morning texts, the good night texts, and the ones checking in me during my work day, I feel like I’m truly cared for and wanted.

We’ve been having a great time. Last Tuesday we went out to dinner at a cafe by the beach. And then we went and played mini golf. We ended the night by stopping by a bar and having drinks. Such a fun time. An actual legit date and I had an amazing time. Saturday night after a very long 11 hour day of work, I went out with him, his brother, and my new friend, to go see a local band in Sarasota. SO MUCH FUN. First of all, the band is called Seven Years Past. They have very good sound. The lead singer gave me a cd which I thought was SO AWESOME. After a couple hours of lots of fun, lots of drinks, lots of meeting friends of my new beau, we went in search of a karaoke bar, but it was a bit too late so we ventured out to the beach instead. That was definitely fun, but sand is highly overrated heh. I had a mini panic attack when I thought I lost my iPhone in the sand, but it was hiding from me in my bag so thank goodness nothing happened to it.

After that we went and got breakfast at like 3 in the morning. Nothing like pancakes, bacon, and scrambled eggs after a very fun night. I didn’t walk in the door at home until around 5ish. It was another excellent night, and I felt so happy about how things went, that I managed to be productive on my only day off from work. I’m off tomorrow, and while I wish we had plans, I’m really looking forward to sleeping in and getting things done around the house. We’re making more plans and I’m just really excited about so many things to come. We’re planning a trip to Orlando. Maybe a day trip to Disney World?

I’m having fun, but still wondering why on earth anyone would ever be interested in me. 🙂

Wait…. I haven’t made a single post in 2014?

Not going to lie. I am sitting here enjoying my weekend with a glass of wine. I was going to my site to check something when I realized I haven’t posted anything since 2013. What the heck? I guess I should try to type something up now that I have the page open and everything. How are you? How is the year going for you so far? I’ve got to say, it’s been pretty interesting for me so far. Partly because my hours at work have skyrocketed and I don’t have a lot of downtime these days. Life is a blur yet there isn’t anything very exciting going on. Other than the fact that I guess I just started seeing someone? I’m not sure how to word that just yet. But we will be seeing each other again… and I imagine again… heh. Who knew it happened when I wasn’t even looking for a change? We shall see where that goes before I officially start legit talking about it. Starting March 1st, I’ll have health and dental insurance again so I can finally start taking care of me again. So while life is still throwing blows at me here and there, 2014 has been looking pretty good. So far so good. Hope you have a good week. I have more to talk about. Things I thought I already talked about but I guess the posts I typed out never got posted. So we’ll save that for another time, another place, la di da.

Goodbye to you.

Goodbye 2013. That’s all. Goodbye. 2014? Please be kind. I’ve been in a dark place for far too long, and I just need to see a glimmer of light at the end of this never ending tunnel. 2014, are you going to shine that light for me?


Hello there. Just a very short entry to wish you a very Merry Christmas. I hope you’ve had a nice day. Also, has been renewed for another year. Maybe I’ll eventually start to make this site more interesting. That’s all for now. Happy Holidays!