Another candle on the cake.
Well today is my birthday. I’m 33. Thank you to everyone who’s been sending me birthday messages. It was sweet. I got more all over the net than I thought I would. Especially my Facebook. It’s nice to see so many birthday posts from my friends and family. I’m not feeling very festive though. Without backtracking because anyone who still reads this already knows, but I’ve been living in Florida for a month now. I’ve been without my cats and my San Diego life for a month. It’s been gradually taking it’s toll on me. I’m thankful to have my family but I feel like I’m stuck in such a bad rut. It’s making me feel depressed. I’m trying to find a job so that I can have money again. It’s near impossible in this town. I could try to explain but no one seems to understand. When you go from having tons of buses and different trolleys to get you two and from to having very next to slim bus routes that end a LOT earlier than you’re used to. In a place that isn’t exactly booming with jobs, it’s really hard. I sit here day in and day out doing NOTHING. I’m job hunting but I haven’t been able to get out. I’m going out of my mind. I can’t live like this. So now it’s my birthday and I had a silly childish hope that maybe something special would happen. Nada. My mom did bake a cake so we’ll have that later. And she gave me a card. But money is scarce so birthdays just have to wait. There’s really nothing to celebrate anyway. I so wish I had a couple dollars to just get out even if it’s just walking to Wal-Mart. Woo frickety hoo. Or to even be able to go have a birthday drink with a friend but what friend? No special someone. No one to go out and celebrate the day with. I think I’m done wishing and hoping. Time to blow out the candles and realize it’s going to be a long time before I can have my turn at happy again. Some get aggravated because I post so miserably. I’m sad because I have no one. I have no one because I’m sad. The end.
