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Here we are already into September. The first BER month. I usually get a weird jolt of excitement when September hits. In Cali. Sept is an iffy month weather-wise. Santa Ana season hits and it gets dreadfully HOT. Hot and windy. Not a refreshing wind but a very firey hot wind. It’s what brings the fires. But that bit of joy over Autumn coming makes it not so bad. I forgot what the weather was like here in Florida. It’s still very hot and humid. But on the plus side it’s gradually getting dark earlier. That can give me a fake sense of Autumn although not much.
I usually get anxious because September brings the start over the pre-holiday season… decorating for the changing season, Halloween, Thanksgiving, And Christmas around the corner. But I’m struggling to find any form of joy this year. A new month is another month that I’m not working. That I’m not in Cali. with my life there and my animals. Another month of feeling like I’m continuing to fail and accomplishing nothing. Still no school. Missing Mesa and dance class. Missing my co-workers and friends. Missing other important people in my life. I’m missing everything. I continue to be thankful for the GOOD things I have but sometimes….. I wish I could redo 2010.