It’s a bit after 10pm and I realized after an hour of staring at the tv in a daze that I am actually tired. Being sleepy before midnight is a rather new thing for me. I guess waking up at 5am after getting maybe two hours of sleep each night, and going to work, and then walking in the very HOT sun has started to catch up with me. The new job is going good so far. Still a lot to learn and departments to get familiar with but so far so good. I will be glad when I can sleep in on the weekend though.
I’ll be extremely glad when I start getting paychecks because I am in major need of comfortable shoes. I’ve been trying the pairs I have that are within the dress code and so far all have left me in lots of pain. So, I’ve been browsing reviews online and getting some price ideas. Nope this is NOT a paid blog entry. I just need to invest in something that’s not going to leave me cringing in pain after just two hours of standing. Which makes the last two hours not so fun! I know it’s something I have to get adjusted to as well, but I am still going to see about finding better shoes for the job.

Yeah. I’m tired.

For the first time in a year and a half I am in shock that the weekend is almost over already. Not working, and not having a life, made weekends pointless and boring. They always seemed to drag on so slowly. Now here it is, the eve of my first actual work day and I feel like I simply blinked both Saturday and Sunday away, just like that. The 5am wake up call is going to be here so fast and I’m so not ready for it. I’m still extremely happy that I got a job, but I am not happy about the nerves and feeling of dread. Not because I HAVE to work, but because it’s something totally new. Dreading a night of nervously trying to sleep. Dreading being a zombie all day and hoping like hell that I can focus on my training. Nervous about being the new chick. Hoping it’ll all just fall into place causing me to laugh at my silly nerves.

And of course I’m thinking about certain events which happened Friday night, which I will not be discussing on my blog. And I’m really wishing I had some really bad for you junk food. Cookies… cake… chocolate ice cream…. All of the above? How the hell is it already after 7pm??? I have to try to sleep in like… no more than maybe 5 hours… Ha! This is going to be one very interesting night. I’ll be sure to have the coffee via intravenous ready first thing in the morning!

It’s interesting to think that a bit over a week ago I was still stressing about trying to find a job. I was feeling helpless and worried knowing I hadn’t had any luck, whatsoever, in over a year. It made me question what I was doing wrong. Would I ever be capable of getting a job ever again? Was I really that pathetic that I couldn’t get one single bite other than the constant “Sales positions” promising up to $60,000 per week!!!!! And now here we are. The first day of my new job is complete. I don’t know if I can really call it the “first day” though. It was the first day as an official employee once the paperwork and signatures were done, and of course the orientation/training videos and quizzes as well. I have an employee number. I have a job title. I have a Manager. I know where the bathrooms, and break room is. I know what door I need to enter in, and all the other confidential information that I won’t be blogging about. The one last thing that will really make it real, is……….. knowing when my first actual day of work is. Heh.

My Manager doesn’t have the schedule ready, so I’m keeping tabs on the site where it’s posted at, and just waiting. He’s supposed to have it up tomorrow, so hopefully he will. Otherwise, I’m pretty much done for the week. It was nerve-wracking, but only because I didn’t know what was going to be happening. I did what I figured I’d do. All the first day hiring paperwork that has to be done. And then close to three hours of computer segments that I had to watch, and answer quiz questions on, in order to get credits and be counted as passing the training session. It touched base a bit on what I’ll be doing, but I won’t be getting into the actual training for that until I go in to work again. I’m going to assume that I’ll probably have my next work day on Sunday since my work week will basically be Sunday through Thursday.

My four hours of training etc. was paid for, which I figured, but it was nice to know that it would be anyway, although it was just minimum wage. But I’m not making minimum wage pay. I’m not making near as much as I was in California, but considering how jobs are right now, and the fact that I went in thinking I’d just be doing sales/register, it’s a pretty decent hourly wage. So now I can rest easy for a bit, and relax. No need for nerves. I got through the toughest part, getting the job. I signed the official lines and am committed to this new start. I’m anxious and excited, yet I’m still thinking about how I was feeling just over a week ago. So so so thankful that I have a job! On the news today they were talking about how in some places unemployment is lowering, but in a lot of others it’s lowering. I paused and thought about how I finally get to be in the bracket where unemployment is lowering. Yay

Well it’s almost time to begin the first day of my new job. In 6 hours I have to wake up and get ready. In 7 hours I’ll walk to the bus stop so I can catch the bus to the mall. Then I’ll have close to an hour to kill until my first day officially begins. Buses are nice. They get you from point a to point b. But they can sure make that journey feel like an eternity. If I had a car I could easily get to the mall in like 5 minutes. But because I don’t, it will take an hour. I’m thankful for the bus and public transportation but yeah….. I sure would love to have my own vehicle. One day. In time. For now I’m just very anxious and growing more nervous by the hour about “Day 1″. I really shouldn’t be THAT nervous though because I’m going in to do paperwork and start training. The first day is always the most nerve-wracking, but I have to remind myself that I’m the noob. It’s ok if I don’t know anything quite yet. But being “new” is always such a weird feeling. Hoping everyone likes me, that I don’t say or do something stupid, that I don’t puke from all the butterflies fluttering in my stomach. I know I can do this…….

The night before is the night where I don’t sleep. What’s going to make this interesting is, tomorrow I have to be in at 11. However, once I start my regular schedule, which I’m sure will be the following day, my work day will begin at 6am. I’ll be waking up around 5ish, but my step father will be taking me to work since it’s so early and no bus runs that early. I’ll just take a bus home in the afternoon. Part of the nervous and anxiety I feel is my insomnia. My OTC meds are slowly making my head feel tired and my eyes get a bit heavy, but the nerves and thinking about tomorrow will keep me up a while longer. On a good day I’m lucky if I’m asleep by 2:30am. However lately, I’ve been struggling a lot with sleep, so by 5am I’m FINALLY attempting to actually sleep. This is no good when I have to be up at that time. Hopefully I can find a doctor here who will see me, let me make payments or something, or I’ll eventually have insurance again so I can finally get back on my meds.

One… thing…at….a….time…………. Just need to relax, and let it all fall into place.