I’ve been meaning to blog but I’ve had no real subject to talk about. I couldn’t even come up with a worthy subject line. I’m trying to be more active with this but to be honest, there’s nothing worth talking about. December is going by pretty quickly. It’s been having it’s ups and downs. Between not getting many hours at work ever so suddenly, to having my heart ripped apart once again, and still feeling the effects of that, not really knowing what’s going to happen for Christmas and New Years, school/financial aid stresses, and just general bouts of blah-ness. I haven’t felt very chatty. I’ve been doing ok though. I could be handling things a lot worse, but I’m still keeping some sense of hope within me. I just fall into moments of wanting to just go to sleep and sleep forever. But I don’t want to let certain things defeat me. I figure it’s just another one of life’s tests that will bring me to something better. I keep telling myself that anyway. Tis the season to be jolly? Yeah, it’s a work in progress.

….To make me happy. It honestly doesn’t. Granted I’ve been having an off day today. I woke up feeling a bit gloomy and I can’t really figure out why. I’m just chalking it up to a bad day and moving on with my life. One easy way to cheer me up, is to show certain movies on tv that bring out the inner child in me. I am currently watching The Santa Clause for the uhhh 5th time this holiday season? And then 30 minutes after this movie ends, The Polar Express will be on. I’m stoked! These two movies are up there in my top 5 of all time favorite Christmas movies. With A Christmas Story being number 1! And that is safe and sound in my Amazon video library, for me to watch whenever I want to. I love Christmas shows. Even when I’m feeling down and pretty darn pathetic for it, I can always turn to these movies to cheer me up. Even if for just a little bit.

Wow… two entries in one day? It must be all the coffee I drank today

I’ve had a few people ask me what I am asking for, for Christmas (Giftmas) this year. And at least 3/4′s of those people were shocked to hear me say that I wasn’t asking for anything. I haven’t made a Christmas wish list in at least three years. The closest I ever come to it, is my list on Elfster. But that’s for Secret Santa so I can justify it. But to make a list, to give to no one, because I haven’t actually had a Christmas that involved exchanging gifts in quite a while. I’m sure my family will exchange a few little things, but nothing that warrants a list. Last I checked, I have no significant other, and no children, so the need for a list is really not there. It’s not about presents for me. I just wish I had people to do fun Holiday related things with. Can I put that on a wish list? If so then there ya go. I wish for friends, that lived near me. I wish for someone who would want to invest some time in me. I wish I could help my family with the financial struggles a lot more than I do right now.

Meanwhile, I am planning/pricing a few things that I would like to get for myself, after the holidays. Probably around tax time, if I get anything back. I’m definitely going to be investing in Just Dance. I’d like all three since they all seem really fun. But I think I’m going to get the third one and work on the other two later. My tv is dying in its old age, so because Kmart offers layaway year around, I’m finally going to upgrade tvs sometime next month. I would’ve done that already, but even if I don’t really have many to shop for this year, I wouldn’t feel right getting something for myself now, when it can surely wait until after Christmas is over. Someone had mentioned maybe getting me an iPhone but due to circumstances that definitely isn’t happening. I am in desperate need for a new hair cut. My hair has grown out in one hell of a wonky way. That might actually be something I get taken care of soon, as in, my next check.

It’s kinda unnerving to see someone stressing so much about what they’re going to ask for, on Twitter. If that’s the biggest problem in your life, consider yourself very lucky, very selfish, very materialistic, or all of the above. When people ask me what I’d want for Christmas, I can’t ever give an answer. I feel really weird trying to answer that question.

You know what I really want? Someone to take me around to the neighborhoods with Christmas lights. We’d pack up the car, load up with Christmas cookies, hot chocolate, and Christmas music on the radio, and just drive around.
Happy Christmas memories are better than any gift found under a Christmas tree.

Well…. For reasons that don’t need to be shared on here, date night isn’t happening. I’ll be honest. I’m pretty bummed. While the reason isn’t because of me, or anything pertaining to me, I can’t help but feel like I’ve been rejected yet again. Oh well. The aspect of the whole getting ready, what to wear, being nervous, wondering how it would go, was kinda fun. But it’s over. I’m trying to pick myself up and try to have a good start to the weekend. I’ll admit I’m struggling. What’s NOT helping is this fluctuating feeling of fever mixed with uber druggedness, though I’ve surely not taken a single thing. I’ll get over it and move on just like I always do. But I’ll have the nagging feeling of wondering if I’m just not meant to find someone… Not pretty enough… Too fat… Not enough of this…too much of that. I’m a girl. I have feelings…emotions… I am human. But.. I will dust myself off and move on. That’s what I always do. And how can I not be even the slightest bit happy? I’ve got a cute little cuddly cat asleep on me right this very moment. Best date ever

Woo it’s December! With the end of NaBloPoMo, I decided to start off December with a fun little Christmasy theme. I obviously didn’t make it. But I like it. It works until I actually DO finally make one. I couldn’t not deck the walls of my website. Speaking of websites. I’m faced with my annual dilemma. To renew my most prized domain possession, which I don’t really use anymore. Fiesty-kitty.net expires in four days. Every year I go through the same thing. Renew domain/hosting? Let it go? Move on? I’ve had the domain since 2004 so it’s got a bit of history wrapped up with it. But it also has bad memories and lousy mistakes buried in as well. So I’ll contemplate what to do for a while. And then next month. Whoa… so weird to think that next month is January. Wowzers. I had to stop and think about that for a moment. Anywho, next month, I have to renew this domain. That’s an obvious no brainer. I’m pretty content with this one.

Oh well. I have plenty of time to think about this, and other things. I’m now off for the next five days. No clue what the heck I’ll be doing with those five days. Going out tomorrow night. After that, I’ve got nothing. I’ll enjoy sleeping in. That’s a definite OH YES. But otherwise eh… I’d really rather be working, and making money. But I’ll do the best I can to make these next few days as worthwhile as possible. Back to watching The Santa Clause!

I was sitting here trying to think of a witty subject line, to end my month long journey through NaBloPoMo. And that’s all that I could come up with. And it made me hungry for the wrap I used to get at the place near my old job. Talk about random! Anywho…. I can’t believe it! I actually managed to blog every single day in November! I’m glad to see it come to an end, but at the same time, I’m glad I gave it a try. For the most part, I’d like to think that all of my entries had some meat to them. There’s only so much I can and will talk about these days so there were times when I did struggle. I’m also trying to be careful with how lengthy entries are. All in all. It was a fun challenge. Now onward to December! I’m pretty hopeful. Aside from a few stresses at work, I feel pretty good about things to come. It’s the holiday season. My room is looking Christmasy. The house is too! There are Christmas lights being put up outside! I’m dating. I have a date on Friday night. I’ve got fun things to look forward to. Yeah, I think December will be a good month. Can you believe we’re just about at the end of 2011? Talk about years flying by. 2012 still feels so far away. But ready or not, it’s on its way!
And with that said… Goodbye NaBloPoMo. I may join in on a few monthly themes, but for now, it’s back to reality and the not so regular postings. It’s been fun!

I am thankful #30, That I can truly think of many things, that I am thankful for, and smile about it. Once upon a time I definitely couldn’t have even given you one. But while I still deal with daily battles, I can truly sit back, at the end of the day, and feel blessed in many many ways. Take care kiddos!

So I’m on day 5 of a 7 day work week and I’m still feeling pretty good. Waking up at 4:45am is not fun, but once I get moving I’m pretty good to go. Lately I have been desiring coffee though. But I’ve come to learn that it’s pretty much impossible to drink coffee and work. Not the way I used to when I was working in an office. Sometimes… I really miss those days! Although during those days coffee was my BFF and I go pretty hooked on it. I stopped drinking it for the longest time but nowadays I’m slowly but surely craving it again. Not simply because of the caffeine, but the taste. The first sip of a fresh HOT brewed cup of coffee is so good! I wish there was a coffee place w/in a close enough proximity to work so that I could get a cup to take but there aren’t any within a close enough walking distance. I could make some at home… If I had a coffee maker. There is one in the house but it’s occupied by someone else every morning. I like the one that we have at work. But it’s not really intended for us to use, as I’ve come to learn. It’s not very time friendly when you have to run across the second floor to get water. It’s one of those nice Keurig one cup deals. I’ve been wanting to get my own ever since I got acquainted with one my friend has up in Maryland. But the price tag has yet to work with my budget. I do like the concept of having so many different varieties to choose from, one cup at a time. So perhaps Santa will read this blog entry. Dear Santa, I’d tell you I was a good girl this year but… well why mention the already known? Hey, at least I’m being honest! So, if you happen to swing by my neighborhood, perhaps you can drop a shiny new Keurig pot down under my Christmas tree? I’ll even be sure to leave some cookies and milk on a plate for you! Well.. perhaps the cookies on a plate, and the milk in a glass Ah, you know what? Maybe you should just send me some sleep. lol! Have a good one kids.

I am thankful #29, For my weird sense of humor during times that are kinda stressful.

If you had asked me what day it was, first this thing morning, I probably would’ve had to stop, think, grab my pone to check the date, and then answer you. I had no idea today was Monday pretty much for the entire day. My work week started at the end of last week and is still going strong. So the concept of Monday, and people bumming because the weekend is over, and oh no, back to the work week, just… has no effect on me whatsoever. As far as I’m concerned, I’m about halfway through my very long work week and am looking forward to ending my work day at 1pm on Thursday. I’m looking forward to sleeping in a bit. I will have to take the bus BACK to the mall, to pick up the present for my angel and drop it off. But I’ll be able to take my time doing that on Friday. OH! I know what made me realize that today’s Monday. The whole “Cyber Monday” deal going on online. Seriously? Black Friday, Black Saturday, I’m sure Sunday was called something, but then it’s “Cyber Monday” and I think parts were extended for the entire week? Way to monopolize the holidays. Anyone want to hook a girl up with a new tv before hers dies completely? Yeah, I thought so. Nope, I’ll be waiting until the holidays are over to put one on layaway so hat I can finally replace the boulder that’s been sitting in the corner of my room. I don’t really have anyone to Christmas shop for. Therefore, I couldn’t justify splurging on myself right now. Even if I did have the money.
Oh well. Have a wonderful week!

I am thankful #28, For hot showers after being completely drenched in the rain while walking to and from the bus today.

1. A full belly (chili!)

2. A Christmas tree lit up with pretty and colorful lights

3. Two candles lit (cinnamon spice!)

4. A cuddly cat laying on my lap (Abi!)

5. And a Criminal Minds marathon on A&E!

Perfect =)

I am thankful #27, For all of the above! *grin*

I’m not going to lie. I’m a bit glad that NaBloPoMo is almost over. At the moment, the last thing I feel like doing, is blogging. I’m just having a day. My day in general wasn’t bad. Work wasn’t as busy as yesterday. But I felt feverish and generally yucky. I came home and rested for a while. And then I tried to get myself into a better mood by going and picking up a couple little things to decorate my Christmas tree. I wasn’t really planning on putting it up tonight but…the next thing I knew, I had it up and lit. It still needs work. I don’t have many good choices as far as where to put it goes. And because of that it’s a bit too high up for me to be able to put the tree topper on it. And then the tree topper (a star) broke so I’m back to square one anyway. But, it’s up, it’s lit, and it looks pretty. It helped my mood a little bit. But I can’t help but feel like something is lacking. Not from my little Christmas tree. Something I just can’t seem to grasp at the moment. Maybe it’ll happen. Maybe it won’t. Maybe I won’t be destined to feel like I am going to be alone forever. Oh well. New work week starts tomorrow. Back to some sort of reality.

I am thankful #26, For my little Christmas tree. It is pretty, and it has cheered me up a little.