Inventory is finally done. And I couldn’t be happier. Ironically as soon as I started getting used to working all night long, and pretty much sleeping all day, it was time to switch it back up to waking up at 4:45AM and working all day, and hoping to sleep all night. I am so glad I don’t have a regular graveyard shift. While it was sometimes fun, it wasn’t THAT fun. And it doesn’t matter how long you sleep during the day, it is just not the same. My room wasn’t dark enough and my internal clock kept clashing with my tired body because it was like 9am and there I was trying to fall asleep. Once I fell asleep it was really hard to wake up for the day. But it’s over and life is going back to normal. Well…whatever normal is.

The weekend is almost here. Any plans? My weekend would’ve been tomorrow and Saturday, but my brilliant self asked to come in for a few hours tomorrow. So I’ll only have Saturday off. Oh well. I want to finish my weekly workload and the thought of a few extra dollars is really nice. I do wish I was off on Sunday though. Thankfully I’m finally starting to make plans with friends though! So I’m looking forward to FINALLY hanging out with my friend Ashley on Saturday. Then I’ll be grabbing lunch with my friend Amy sometime next week. Also making plans to go to the State fair and maybe the local County fair too. We shall see!

Tomorrow as soon as I am done with my short work day I’m going to upgrade my phone. Woohoo! I’ll never be cool enough to own an iPhone but I do get to be cool enough to own an Android once again heh. I’m so ready to be rid of the really cheap phone I got when I first switched cell providers. And the company I’m with is running a nice promo right now so…. a little reward for the insane hours I’ve been working, and the fact that I was patient and waited for a better bargain, I’m getting a new phone. Yay for that! And then I think I’ll treat myself to lunch somewhere. Not sure where yet. I don’t want to stick with the food court, but knowing how I’ll probably not want to walk anyway…. that’ll probably be what I choose. Oh well. I’m going to have a good day and a great weekend!

Oh! Guess what I get to do at work next week? I get to break stuff AND get paid for it! Are you curious? hehehe!!

Oh, the joys of working in the retail industry. In about three hours, I’ll be heading to work to do my first overnight shift. It’s Inventory Time! I get to work from 9pm-6am tonight/tomorrow. And then tomorrow night/Saturday I work from 10pm-6am, or actually, to be specific, until we get what we have to get done, each night. It could be 3am, it could be 7am. I’m glad I’m getting lots of extra hours this week, AND holiday pay which I was totally under the impression that I wouldn’t get. I definitely am. My only concern is transportation. I might be waiting outside by myself for a couple hours until my ride can come. But I’m hoping if it gets to that point, someone will be nice enough to bring me home. I don’t really care to sit outside our store, in the cold, and in the middle of the night, alone. But we’ll see. Tonight will be a learning experience. I know I’m going to be tired. I kept trying to figure out how I should be prepare. Try to stay up all night and sleep all day, or just wing it. I guess I’m just winging it because I was asleep before 3 and slept until 11. I’m not stressing over it. I’ve pulled all nighters before. I can surely do it again!

Here it is, day 2 of NaBloPoMo and I almost forgot to blog! I was sitting here thinking ok… there’s something I want to do… WTF was it again? OH THAT’S RIGHT! BLOG! You’ll have to forgive me. It’s been a very busy day. Let’s see…. I woke up at 4:45. Ok, ok. I hit the snooze button on my iTouch at 4:45..and 4:55…and 5:05…5:15…and 5:25. Actually… I’ve noticed that while my mind thinks I’m getting another ten minutes of snooze time… it seems to taper off a bit like 9…8…7….*insert obnoxious alarm sound here*.

I was not ready to wake up. Especially knowing that I had an extremely LONG day ahead of me. I decided when I first got my job, I was going to keep it completely off of my website. I feel there’s a need for a bit of confidentiality when it comes to my job. Not that there are a bunch of hidden secrets to share, but with the internet, Google, and everything else, I try to keep certain parts of my personal life as far away from my internet life as possible.

But I can share that my job keeps me pretty busy. I do the markdowns for a certain department store. The amount of markdowns fluctuates from week to week. And the amount of those markdowns is what determines how many hours I get to work each week. This week has been exceptionally high as far as the workload goes. So I spent my work day, today, working hard to get as many of the markdowns done.

So I eventually woke up around…. 5:29. I left for work at 5:50am. And did not walk back through the front door until 5:50pm. No joke. Subtract the time it takes me to get home via the bus, and you have an eleven hour work day. The sad thing is? If I really want to outdo myself and hit a really high percentage for the week, I’m looking at another eleven hours of work. I should add that my work week does not begin on Monday. A typical work week for me is Sunday through Thursday. I was scheduled to be off today, but I opted to go in instead, to get work done. I think I was very productive, but knowing I have another huge chunk to get done tomorrow, I’m a bit nervous.

I’ll get it done. And then I will relax for four whole days. Yep. like I said, markdowns each week determine my schedule and next week is going to be a bit different. My work week will be from Tuesday- well? Not Thursday of that week…. But, Thursday of the following week. Yes. The week before Thanksgiving!

I suddenly feel like this month is going very very fast. Yet…. It’s only day 2

I am thankful #2 For the fact that I have a place to sleep tonight. So that I can get some much needed rest, and start all over again tomorrow.

It’s a bit after 10pm and I realized after an hour of staring at the tv in a daze that I am actually tired. Being sleepy before midnight is a rather new thing for me. I guess waking up at 5am after getting maybe two hours of sleep each night, and going to work, and then walking in the very HOT sun has started to catch up with me. The new job is going good so far. Still a lot to learn and departments to get familiar with but so far so good. I will be glad when I can sleep in on the weekend though.
I’ll be extremely glad when I start getting paychecks because I am in major need of comfortable shoes. I’ve been trying the pairs I have that are within the dress code and so far all have left me in lots of pain. So, I’ve been browsing reviews online and getting some price ideas. Nope this is NOT a paid blog entry. I just need to invest in something that’s not going to leave me cringing in pain after just two hours of standing. Which makes the last two hours not so fun! I know it’s something I have to get adjusted to as well, but I am still going to see about finding better shoes for the job.

Yeah. I’m tired.

For the first time in a year and a half I am in shock that the weekend is almost over already. Not working, and not having a life, made weekends pointless and boring. They always seemed to drag on so slowly. Now here it is, the eve of my first actual work day and I feel like I simply blinked both Saturday and Sunday away, just like that. The 5am wake up call is going to be here so fast and I’m so not ready for it. I’m still extremely happy that I got a job, but I am not happy about the nerves and feeling of dread. Not because I HAVE to work, but because it’s something totally new. Dreading a night of nervously trying to sleep. Dreading being a zombie all day and hoping like hell that I can focus on my training. Nervous about being the new chick. Hoping it’ll all just fall into place causing me to laugh at my silly nerves.

And of course I’m thinking about certain events which happened Friday night, which I will not be discussing on my blog. And I’m really wishing I had some really bad for you junk food. Cookies… cake… chocolate ice cream…. All of the above? How the hell is it already after 7pm??? I have to try to sleep in like… no more than maybe 5 hours… Ha! This is going to be one very interesting night. I’ll be sure to have the coffee via intravenous ready first thing in the morning!

It’s interesting to think that a bit over a week ago I was still stressing about trying to find a job. I was feeling helpless and worried knowing I hadn’t had any luck, whatsoever, in over a year. It made me question what I was doing wrong. Would I ever be capable of getting a job ever again? Was I really that pathetic that I couldn’t get one single bite other than the constant “Sales positions” promising up to $60,000 per week!!!!! And now here we are. The first day of my new job is complete. I don’t know if I can really call it the “first day” though. It was the first day as an official employee once the paperwork and signatures were done, and of course the orientation/training videos and quizzes as well. I have an employee number. I have a job title. I have a Manager. I know where the bathrooms, and break room is. I know what door I need to enter in, and all the other confidential information that I won’t be blogging about. The one last thing that will really make it real, is……….. knowing when my first actual day of work is. Heh.

My Manager doesn’t have the schedule ready, so I’m keeping tabs on the site where it’s posted at, and just waiting. He’s supposed to have it up tomorrow, so hopefully he will. Otherwise, I’m pretty much done for the week. It was nerve-wracking, but only because I didn’t know what was going to be happening. I did what I figured I’d do. All the first day hiring paperwork that has to be done. And then close to three hours of computer segments that I had to watch, and answer quiz questions on, in order to get credits and be counted as passing the training session. It touched base a bit on what I’ll be doing, but I won’t be getting into the actual training for that until I go in to work again. I’m going to assume that I’ll probably have my next work day on Sunday since my work week will basically be Sunday through Thursday.

My four hours of training etc. was paid for, which I figured, but it was nice to know that it would be anyway, although it was just minimum wage. But I’m not making minimum wage pay. I’m not making near as much as I was in California, but considering how jobs are right now, and the fact that I went in thinking I’d just be doing sales/register, it’s a pretty decent hourly wage. So now I can rest easy for a bit, and relax. No need for nerves. I got through the toughest part, getting the job. I signed the official lines and am committed to this new start. I’m anxious and excited, yet I’m still thinking about how I was feeling just over a week ago. So so so thankful that I have a job! On the news today they were talking about how in some places unemployment is lowering, but in a lot of others it’s lowering. I paused and thought about how I finally get to be in the bracket where unemployment is lowering. Yay

Well it’s almost time to begin the first day of my new job. In 6 hours I have to wake up and get ready. In 7 hours I’ll walk to the bus stop so I can catch the bus to the mall. Then I’ll have close to an hour to kill until my first day officially begins. Buses are nice. They get you from point a to point b. But they can sure make that journey feel like an eternity. If I had a car I could easily get to the mall in like 5 minutes. But because I don’t, it will take an hour. I’m thankful for the bus and public transportation but yeah….. I sure would love to have my own vehicle. One day. In time. For now I’m just very anxious and growing more nervous by the hour about “Day 1″. I really shouldn’t be THAT nervous though because I’m going in to do paperwork and start training. The first day is always the most nerve-wracking, but I have to remind myself that I’m the noob. It’s ok if I don’t know anything quite yet. But being “new” is always such a weird feeling. Hoping everyone likes me, that I don’t say or do something stupid, that I don’t puke from all the butterflies fluttering in my stomach. I know I can do this…….

The night before is the night where I don’t sleep. What’s going to make this interesting is, tomorrow I have to be in at 11. However, once I start my regular schedule, which I’m sure will be the following day, my work day will begin at 6am. I’ll be waking up around 5ish, but my step father will be taking me to work since it’s so early and no bus runs that early. I’ll just take a bus home in the afternoon. Part of the nervous and anxiety I feel is my insomnia. My OTC meds are slowly making my head feel tired and my eyes get a bit heavy, but the nerves and thinking about tomorrow will keep me up a while longer. On a good day I’m lucky if I’m asleep by 2:30am. However lately, I’ve been struggling a lot with sleep, so by 5am I’m FINALLY attempting to actually sleep. This is no good when I have to be up at that time. Hopefully I can find a doctor here who will see me, let me make payments or something, or I’ll eventually have insurance again so I can finally get back on my meds.

One… thing…at….a….time…………. Just need to relax, and let it all fall into place.

I made it through my interview! If you don’t already know how it went by now, you must live under a rock with those Geico guys. As if I’d keep such things to myself for more than like five minutes. But if you haven’t, I’ll just make you wait a bit longer.
Attempting to sleep the night before an interview is never easy. I started to feel tired around 4am. I turned the tv off and attempted to get comfortable. As comfortable as a person can get on a tiny couch anyway. I did the usual toss and turn for a while, got fed up and browsed pointless sites on my laptop for a bit. Thankfully I only managed to kill about 10 minutes before I was just like screw it, closed the lid, and tried again. I managed to fall asleep and slept ok considering I woke up constantly fearing that I was going to oversleep. I didn’t. I finally woke up around 10:45 and laid there for a bit bugging my cat who will happily awake and waiting to be fed. It doesn’t take me long to get ready. It may have taken longer if it wasn’t for the fact I was about to walk to the bus stop in 95 degree heat. No point fooling with make up or doing anything special to my hair. So I dressed in black pants and a nice shirt, picked out jewelry to wear, attempted to eat something but laughed at the thought, and headed to the bus stop.

That was my first bus ride in Fl. since moving back. I’d been putting it off because the routes can be very lengthy and tiring, but it wasn’t so bad. I didn’t have to worry about transferring so I made it to my destination in about 45 minutes. Granted by car I would’ve been there in 5, it wasn’t so bad. I listened to my ipod and tried to calm my nervous stomach. I didn’t take the stop I thought I wanted, so I had to cross a street and walk a bit, but I had almost an hour to kill anyway. I wandered up and down the mall for a while and still pondered the thought of eating. I got ready to get some chicken nuggets at Chick-fil-a but didn’t think that would be wise until the interview was over since I was really nervous by then.

I headed into the store around 1:45 and casually walked around so I could find the HR department. A nice sales associate helped me find it and there I was, waiting for the women who was going to be interviewing me. Just shortly after 2pm she took me over to her little office and the interview began. It started with the usual “Hi, how are you?” mumbo jumbo and we seemed to hit it off pretty good. Bantering about how we always mean to say “I’m doing well, or is that right? I’m doing good, how are you?” While I ponder how I without answer with “I’m doing alright….but not meaning alright in a bad way but in a… well I guess you just have to know my lingo kind of way” and she laughed and said she totally understood. Thankfully none of that was formal talk, it was just random chatter while walking. But it let me know that I didn’t have to feel intimidated or nervous by her, but of course the interview was a different story. It’s always so nerve wracking. Trying to prepare yourself for the questions that are asked, trying not to fidget, or stutter. For the first time in a long time the questions that were asked were questions that I felt confident in answering. And these questions helped to place me in a position I sure as heck never even thought of. I figured I’d get the bottom rung, sales associate, part time beginner type role, but the more we talked, the more her thoughts went towards a completely different position.

There was a lead spot open in a different position and she felt that I would fit that spot because of my past experiences with leading, reaching deadlines, multitasking, and general organizational skills. So I met with another woman who is the Operations Manager and she helps oversee the pricing/signage/back end stuff for various local stores. So, I will not be a sales associate like I thought, instead, I will be starting at as the Pricing Lead, which is my first Supervisory role EVER! They have to do the usual background check stuff first, but that should only take a couple days. Then I’ll basically be starting asap. It’s a job with a LOT of responsibilities, including me having my own team of people to lead, and schedule so that we meet the weekly goes regarding weekly sales. I’ll be organizing how much each person should be doing, the percentage of how much should be accomplished each day, and making sure it’s done by Thursday each week. There’s a lot more to it and it’s all jumbled up in my head so as I actually get started, and learn what I’m doing, it’ll make more sense. I just never thought I’d go in there and leave with a position where I’m leading other people. I feel happy, proud, anxious, and VERY nervous!

I won’t say the name of the company on my blog right now, but it’s a pretty big department store. The same store that brings us that really awesome parade every year. Hint, hint :-p

Anyway…. YAYYYY I GOT A JOB!!!

So did I make you wonder what I meant in my title up there? I was so hungry before the interview but I knew I wouldn’t enjoy whatever I ate until the nerves had calmed down and the interview was behind me, so I waited until after. I went to Chick-Fil-A after calling my mom to tell her the great news, and got myself some chicken nuggets. As I was getting ready to place my order the girl behind the counter noticed my eyes and couldn’t get over how awesome they were. So that got us talking, and I think I’ve made a new friend! I told her how I’d just gotten a new job, and she asked where, I told her where, and she congratulated me and said she’s “always here” so I was like awesome! chances are this is where I’ll be spending my lunch breaks! So a possible new friend AND new job all in one day? I’ll gladly take that! Oh and those nuggets were so good. NOM NOM NOM. I was entertained and taken back to 7th grade when M.C. Hammer’s “U Can’t Touch This” started playing. Great way to end my day at the mall heh! Then I took my journey home and regretted the shoes I chose to wear. I will not be wearing those to work. NOPE. I won’t be comfortably putting on shoes for a day or two. Anyway I should start my new job in a few days and YAY THANK GOODNESS for that! No more dealing with California Unemployment. I was grateful for it, but I’m more grateful that I will be able to really earn my money now. Maybe I can stop being so obsessive over job hunting and finally relax. It’s a great position to be stepping into and it also givens me opportunities to take higher Supervisory roles so I’m going to work hard, learn lots, and keep focused on my goals.

YAY!!!!!!!!

As if!

HA! Are ya kidding me? Of course I’m nervous! Why wouldn’t I be nervous? It’s only one of like 3 of the only interviews I’ve gotten in the past year and some odd months of job hunting. Nah…. not nervous at all… I mean, who cares, it’s just a part time retail job at a mall. It’s minimum wage at the very least and a hot bus ride. It’s nothing………

Seriously dude are ya freakin’ kidding me? I’m nervous as hell! I so neeeeeeeeeeeed this part time minimum wage retail job at the mall so that I can get out of this house, start working again, gain some experience and a pay check! Please please please hire me!!!!! Oh dear…. Am I going to be able to sleep tonight? Hmmmm………………

On the outside I’m prepping my outfit and appearance and trying to get my self situated so I can try to sleep but on the inside? I’m going “OOOHHH MAHHH GAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!”

Oh pre-interview jitters……………….. Silly silly you! Oh you

Hopefully wayyyy before this time tomorrow I’ll have an update and I really hope it’s a good one!

While I’ve been having a hard time dealing with rejection and trying to figure out how I’m going to get out of the slump I’ve been in, I’ve started to use it to my advantage. The more I feel like I’m running out of options, I create new ones. If I get rejected from a job I’ve applied for, I just apply for two more. If I get rejected by two, I apply for four more etc, etc. For the most part I’ve cut out a lot of my “fun” time online with the exception of a few places that I like to visit. I’m spending at least 90% of my internet time either submitting resumes, filling out applications, or applying at blog writing sites that pay per blog entry. I’m also applying at locations that are a bit further and will take an extra hour or two to get there, just to try and nab something. I’ll take anything at this point, but I also want to try to stick to my goals. I’ve also been browsing places to volunteer at and will be visiting a few places on Monday to fill out volunteer applications. Most places are not closed due to Memorial Day and it is most certainly not a holiday for me.

Monday isn’t just for volunteer spots though, I have an interview! Now, I’m not going to say the location, but it’s retail, and it starts out as part time. However, every option is an opportunity to learn and grow. That’s what I’m trying to do. So I am going to go into this interview with my head up, and my eye on the prize, although I’m never without a bundle of nerves by my side. I’m determined to make it through this interview successfully. I’m not going to think of the “what if” right now, I’m going to remain focused.

While focusing on this possible new endeavor I’m also focusing on trying to really get on track with school. I had to stop trying to take classes at certain places because I lost my line of income. So I’m attempting financial aid again. I’m eligible at last for some decent financial aid, but I have a few hurdles to jump. Once I get past the necessary cracks in the road then hopefully I will be starting school again in August. I’m crossing fingers, eyes, and toes and doing a bit of a jig because I really really want this!

Lastly, I’m trying to tackle my mental battles that are seriously weighing me down right now. Not having that line of income has really taken a toll on me and it makes me struggle to feel happy. Money shouldn’t make a person happy, ever. However, when you don’t have a penny to your name, and there’s things you need, not just want, that you can’t obtain, it makes the battles so much harder. For now I’m weighing my options to see what I CAN do. Within the next month I’ll be cutting off my last tie with California which is my license, and that REALLY bums me out. I’ll have to officially become a Florida resident and while that may not seem like a big deal, it is. I wish it wasn’t, but I honestly hoped I’d be back in Cali. before my next birthday. July 16th is approaching fast and 34 needs to be the year of change and new opportunities.

It’s going to be. Somehow no matter what, I’m going to make it happen. Living each day feeling so much mental pain from failures of the past really needs to stop. I want to be happy and I deserve to be. I can still make my dreams happy, I just have to remind myself sometimes.